Terp2It/Chris Trew/Blog

It’s a little like the Superbowl and a little like Christmas. It’s a really big deal but sometimes it doesn’t feel like a big deal when it’s all done. Sometimes you get everything you want and sometimes you’re really riled up because it would have been so easy to make awesome decisions. Regardless, we’ll all have $50 less in our pockets Monday morning because we can’t not order Wrestlemania, right?

Note: I have these matches booked in the order that I’d like to see. One of my pet peeves is kicking off pay-per-views with Money in the Bank matches. I’m already excited, save the craziest match for later! I’m full of hate.

Note 2: Listen to the podcast where Milo guesses faces and heels here.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

From WWE.com

What I’d Do With no interference whatsoever, Punk beats Mysterio. Post match we are treated to more creepy (awesome) mic work from Punk. Rey’s family is ringside and upset. Wrestling fans everywhere smile at the thought of this happening to Mysterio.

What They’ll Do
Not only will Rey Mysterio win, but he’ll get to embarrass CM Punk (Dumping milk on him? Putting a mask on his face? I give up). This will be one of the bigger “What if’s” of Wrestlemania and 2010. What if Rey turned heel post ‘Mania? What if CM Punk hadn’t lost against Rey and then fell in the Carlito category? Also, my personal favorite- What if Rey Mysterio’s pants fell off during a match? I think his junk would start twirling and doing awkward mic work.

Money in the Bank

What I’d Do
One by one guys are taken out on stretchers, giving us a miniature Royal Rumble-type feel to this match. Evan Bourne can go first since he is the least likely to win this match. MVP can be next because he wears that dumb outfit. When Kofi Kingston is taken away, the pattern is established. Guys could even return from the locker room against the better judgment of the WWE doctors! I like the final three wrestlers being Christian, Dolph Ziggler and and Shelton Benjamin- all guys who fit my favorite rise-to-championship mold (come from tag teams, have had minor singles success, ready to break through to next level). Dolph Ziggler comes awfully close, but Christian wins.

What They’ll Do
I have a strange feeling that something unremarkable will happen in this match which means Matt Hardy or Kane will win. The only positive thing to take from this is that the streak of “Cash Ins” that turn into titles will come to a non-screeching halt. This is also the part of the column where I bitch about the Intercontinental and U.S. Titles not being in play at the biggest pay-per-view of the year. Every time this happens, a piece of Mr. Perfect transforms into a Zombie. A few more years and he’ll eat us all.

Big Show and Miz vs. R-Truth and John Morrison

What I’d Do
Big Show and Miz win. They have to. I think they are the only tag team in the WWE.

What They’ll Do
R-Truth and John Morrison win. They will. I think they will be the only tag team in the WWE in April. (This match is ranked really high on my Hope I’m Wrong About this One list).

HHH vs. Sheamus

What I’d Do
These guys thoroughly wear each other out. Blood everywhere. HHH hits the game-winning pedigree and before going for the pin, he passes out. Both guys down and the ten-count begins. Sheamus is up and before the ref hits ten, Sheamus waves him off, communicating “I don’t want to win this way!” (I believe in you, Sheamus). Sheamus pulls HHH up, kicks him in the face and then lets the referee know that now he’s ready. 1-2-3, Sheamus.

What They’ll Do
This is #1 on my hope I’m wrong list. HHH beats Sheamus cleanly and then he poses for an hour.

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes

What I’d Do
I’d really like for Dibiase to come out on this one. Possibly due to interference from Orton’s next feud. This is the only match where I think they can do no wrong, other than a triple disqualification so I will make no further predictions.

Edge vs. Chris Jericho

What I’d Do
Edge squeaks out a victory. He puts the belt on his shoulder and grabs a mic. Talks about how good it feels to be back, how people thought he’d be watching Wrestlemania in a hospital bed. Music hits. Out comes Christian carrying his Money in the Bank briefcase. He teases an impromptu Edge vs. Christian Wrestlemania match, when really he’s here to congratulate Edge. Begin slow build Edge vs. Christian Summerslam program! (This is my favorite “What I’d Do” of all)

What They’ll Do
I’ve been pretty convinced that Edge will win this match. Right up to this sentence, in fact. Now with this sentence I’m starting to think that this Edge/Jericho feud has some more gas in the tank. I’d like to wait until the last possible moment to make an official What They’ll Do prediction but since that is something a child would do (I am not child. I am wrestle professional.) I will go with Edge winning. No wait, Jericho! Jericho pulling tights in a small package.

Vince McMahon vs. Bret Hart

What I’d Do and What They’ll Do
A complete dismantling of Vince. Stumbling up and down the arena bloody and broken. Hart Dynasty gets in on it. Stu Hart kicks Vince in the face. Bret Hart wins with a foot on Vince’s chest.

Batista vs. John Cena

What I’d Do
I have fallen in love with Batista the past month and I’m not ready for it to come to an end. Dying to see if he can take this “You can’t beat me” momentum into other programs. I think he can, so let’s go Batista over John Cena here. I don’t care if he cheats. Batista wins and closes the door on this feud.

What They’ll Do
We’re in a dangerous “Order Giveaway” here. I think Cena definitely goes over if this match is last. I think Cena will probably go over regardless, which would be a medium-sized letdown. But this is like hoping your cousin with the weird mouth won’t try to kiss you on Christmas when she has done it every other goddamned year. I’ll be upset if his post-match celebration is reminiscent at all of Edge or HBK’s first title wins.

Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

What I’d Do and What They’ll Do
This has Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow written all over it. Can you feel the energy and passion? It’s a non-title finale to Wrestlemania!!! (I’m actually quite in favor of booking this match last. No matter how it plays out, it has the most long-term affect on the WWE) If Undertaker wins and Shawn Michaels really retires, who fills that hole? (This is most exciting, because the hole HAS to be filled, right? I don’t choose Kofi Kingston. I might choose Jack Swagger.) If Shawn Michaels win what does this mean for the Undertaker? Does he retire? (This hole does NOT have to be filled by the way. This hole does not exist. The Undertaker, in fact, only exists between January and March). In the spirit of things actually happening at Wrestlemania, I’m going with Undertaker over Shawn Michaels. Also going with Michaels having a depressingly-corny entrance.

Miscellaneous Predictions
- R-Truth will have a really awesome Wrestlemania version of his really awesome intro song. It will be so awesome that I’ll tape a brown sheet over the TV as it is occurring.

- Motorhead will not play HHH’s intro music live. Creed will play both Randy Orton’s and Sheamus’.

- Someone will find a cactus under the ring.

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