Even though I haven’t written about it in a while, I’m still a wrestling fan. Last month at Comic-Con I even took time out of my busy schedule to stare at some wrestling figures at the Mattel booth. I even had an opportunity to steal an intro music-playing WWE Championship Spinner Belt because someone left a box out but I didn’t because a true fan doesn’t want the company they enjoy watching to feel the economic piledriver such a move would create. (I’m not saying I would have been as cool about it if this were available to grab)

While staring at the toys during Comic-Con I realized a couple of things.

#1. I think I will be a wrestling fan for my entire life. Even if (when?) it stops being good I will still watch because I will always think I could do a better job with the booking.
#2. In order to keep the Occipital Dream of actually booking professional wrestling alive, I need to pop in this website and keep my knives sharp.
#3. The Nexus recently climbed another notch in the Nexus Google Competition, climbing over the hair care products but still ranked behind the Phone and the Border Protection Card. If Phone and Border Protection Card ever form a Nexus-like alliance, I fear for the future of the Wrestling Nexus in this incredibly interesting competition.

On to Summerslam. The second most important pay-per-view of the year if the annoyance of the splash page for the mini-site is any indication. The truth is I’m excited about most of the matches. I enjoy handicap matches and fun stables so Big Show and Straight Edge Society gets my approval. I’m 100% behind the Sheamus and Randy Orton program, if for no other reason than how surprising these two working together in a match this important is. And I’m going to pretend like Kane and Rey Mysterio are comic-book characters.

The meat and potatoes of Summerslam is clearly Team WWE vs. Nexus. I like to think that the WWE creatives are taking this angle seriously (partially due to this really strange feature on WWE.com…Michael Tarver = Sloth!) and they most definitely should. This is reaching Actual Sports Heights with me, meaning I will lean and jump and woo with the match. No question The Nexus should leave on top and here’s my gameplan.

The last time (first time) Nexus competed in an elimination match it was complete dominance. I’d like to see them tease that dominance this time with early eliminations of R-Truth and John Morrison (side note: John Morrison recently shot up my “Who Should Turn Heel Before It’s Too Late” chart). I think it should be a series of finishing moves in the corner to showcase all members of Nexus (think Barrett’s Barrel Slam followed by Gabriel’s 450).

Skip takes out Bret Hart next, but in nutso-crazy overboard fashion. He refuses to stop the beatdown and the referee disqualifies him. Darren Young gets tagged in, argues with the ref about the call and gets rolled up and pinned. With a little more momentum on their side, Team WWE returns the corner isolation treatment to eliminate Heath Slater, but in a “nobody could have survived that” fashion. We’re down to Edge, Jericho, Cena and Mystery Thing vs. Barrett, Tarver, Gabriel and Otunga. I’ll save Mystery Thing theories for the end.

I am mega-against Chris Jericho and Edge being on this team unless they bail on them at this point. Ideally they’d walk away with arms around each other and then start calling themselves the Buddies. Since that won’t happen, I’ll take them attempting to join The Nexus again and then when it doesn’t pan out they just walk away. I’m not promising that I wont’ refer to them as the Buddies regardless. I’d like to see a Jericho/Edge angle where they realize that while they’ve done so much in their career, they’ve never had the pleasure of protecting a champion. Then we’re treated to them trying to help each other and getting great satisfaction over each other’s victories.

I’m sure we’ll see John Cena do some sort of hulk-up at this point but I’d like him to fail miserably. The sequel to the initial beating would be fantastic. After they pin Cena (I recommend Otunga’s foot on chest) the rest of the Nexus should return to the ring and rip him to shreds. This should be followed up on RAW with a series of individual or tag team matches featuring Nexus.

If WWE’s 7th member is HHH and if he has some sort of positive impact on the match then I’m pulling out my hair and my alphabet goes from G to I from now on.

If WWE’s 7th member is The Miz then I’m intrigued. He could screw over Team WWE but he doesn’t need the push from three different directions. I do like classy title exchanges, so maybe he hands the U.S. title to Barrett in lieu of Barrett’s guaranteed title shot? This could also be the face push we’ve all been fearing.

If WWE’s 7th member is Daniel Bryant then I think we will finally be treated to some more specific feuds with Nexus. I’d like to see how they breakdown as individuals. I also think we should create a tag team out this group. I vote for Young and Slater (gives them more of a presence) or Tarver and Gabriel (most interesting combination).

Okay, jabronis. Leave your thoughts below, catch me on Twitter and if you’re in the Austin area, I highly recommend you join us at the ND on August 30th for McMahon!, a live dubbing of Monday Night Raw.

One Response to “Nexus Hair Care Products”

  • Honestly I couldn’t give two shits about this Nexus match or how Triple H makes his comeback (that’s actually a lie). What I want to see is the Undertaker come out of a motherfucking flaming casket to bring Kane down the depths of hell and start some sort of mega-feud that will hopefully involve an inferno match later on down the line. But probably not since we’re stuck with a TV-PG rating from here on out. A boy can dream, though, can’t he?

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