I’m pretty bummed out right now. It’s rare that I express my true feelings on this site, since most of what I do is comedy, but sometimes you gotta give in and spill it. Today a whole lot (like, a lot) of news outlets are reporting that other basketball teams are interested in trading Chris Paul (of the New Orleans Hornets). For non-basketball readers, Chris Paul is really good.
When I first heard the news I thought the only way to deal with this was to eat a really big lunch. I thought about ordering some hot wings and a giant stuffed pizza because I love hot wings and I love giant stuffed pizza. I decided to order all of the pizza left in Pizza Hut. When I called the restaurant they said “but that is all the pizza we ever have, ever.” I hung up the phone and waited.
Then I realized how thirsty I was and I called my friend Carlyle and said that I would really like some of your lemonade. Carlyle makes the best lemonade I’ve ever had. My other friend Devon makes good lemonade but it’s a little too strong. Carlyle’s drastically improves the quality of the meal so I chose his. I told Carlyle that if he gave me a years supply of his award winning lemonade then I would give him a coupon for some materials to make new lemonade later. I hung up the phone and waited.
Then I thought about how messy this meal was going to be and how I’d probably need a new outfit after eating all of this food so I called a local fashion designer and said “fashion a new outfit for this body right now” and the fashion designer was like “for a style like yours I would need more materials, more equipment. I don’t think this is possible.” But then I offered him an old pair of overalls, some stained bra’s as well as a Gap gift card. I hung the phone and waited.
I’m still waiting to hear back from everybody, but in the meantime did you hear that Pizza Hut isn’t going to be making pizza anymore, ever and that my friend Carlyle is just giving away lemonade and that a local fashion designer is so desperate to make clothes that she is willing to do anything for a Gap gift card?!!!
Alert the press!